The big news for this post is that
we’re moving to Oregon! I was offered the job at the end of February and
quickly accepted. I scheduled my defense (June 27th) a few days
later, and now we’re in full prep mode. I’m working even harder than before to
finish, and we’re shedding all our extra belongings while we research
childcare, how to move, and where to live. Exhilarating and terrifying! We’ll
be living in Eugene for the first 6-9 months, and then moving to Salem for the
remainder of the position, which is funded for four years. I’ll start applying
for permanent jobs casually this fall, and seriously in fall 2015. We’ll be
accepting visitors immediately. In fact, we’ve already scheduled the Royer-Millers!
If you’re interested in more details
about the work, you can check out my new employer’s lab website and a recent newspaper article on the research I’ll be involved in. Brief cool version: I’ll
be studying speciation and coevolution in Joshua Trees and their moth
pollinators, which are mutually obligate – meaning the two species of Joshua
Tree each have their own pollinator, and are pollinated by nothing else; the
moths lay their eggs in Joshua Tree flowers and nowhere else. The tree and moth
species are both sisters – each other’s most close relatives. How did this come
to be?!? Stay tuned.
Matt has some exciting news too – his
hockey team won the league championship! The last time this happened was his
first season in the league, 5 years ago, so it’s an extra sweet way to end.
Matt scored one goal and nearly scored another in a breathtaking short-handed
breakaway. MommaSue, Grandpa Fred, Toby and I were all in attendance. Toby
loves hockey games. For one thing, there are puddles of melted snow by the
entrance you can splash in. Also, the goalie has three kids who are fun to play
with. And sometimes, as you’re running back and forth in front of the glass,
the audience erupts in applause and yells. Every time this happened, Toby would
turn toward the crowd, his eyes shining like I’d never seen them before, and
clap back at them. Like maybe they were all applauding for him. (I really
couldn’t get him to pay attention to what was happening on the ice.) He also
got his first taste of hot chocolate.
Now that hockey is over and it’s APRIL,
we’re ready for the snow to be gone. It’s the snowiest winter since the 70’s at
least – the snowiest winter ever in
some parts of Michigan – so you all know it’s not just hyperbole. I enjoyed it
until mid-March, and it didn’t start melting until a week or so later. But 2.5
months of snowpack takes a long time to melt, so we’re still working on it.
Most of the time the snow is just a
pretty backdrop to freak-outs about finishing research and deciding how many
daycare waitlists to sign up for. It’s nice to have an all-consuming
almost-2-year-old to help me focus on the moment when the future feels
overwhelming. Toby is a total joy. And a toddler terrorist. Sometimes he
doesn't want a bath, or wants to put on his clothes BY HIMSELF, or wants to
pour maple syrup all over the floor. And when he can't have things the way he
wishes, he whines or screams or beats his head on the floor. Or some
combination of all three. We try to be compassionate but firm and, above all,
not laugh. We know that these are serious events for the Toblerone. And even at
his screamiest, he's still the smartest, cutest, most life-worthwhile-making
person in existence.
Even though putting a shirt on has been
known to take 20 minutes, the increasing search for independence is really a
fun theme right now. He’s started saying his name (“Topee”), and uses it to
mean “I’m going to do it myself, stop trying to help.” Or it can also mean “mine.”
Maybe what his name really means is, “get your paws off, you meddling adult!”
On the other hand, he’s learning to ask for help sometimes instead of letting
the frustration escalate, which is sweet and refreshing. FYI, one of the things
he can do himself is hummus.
Of course, his name isn’t the only new
thing Toby is saying. He’s reached the exponential increase of vocabulary
stage, and we’re learning more every day about what’s going on in his head. For
a while, his favorite words were “back” (both the body part and a place to put
things), “more,” and “no.” Of course, “no” is still very popular, but now his
other favorite words change rapidly. This week he likes to say “library” a lot.
Last week it was “nutmeg.” But my favorites are “lap” and “hug,” always uttered
as commands… or maybe declarations? Matt likes “umbrella” (ah-boo-gah), and
“thank you” (ack-oo, most easily earned for peeling a clementine).
Part of what makes “lap” so great is
the letter switches. W instead of L makes it wap. There is also H instead of S,
which is a lot of fun. Other switches are common but unreliable. Usually
between the two of us Matt and I can figure out what’s going on, although as
the words get more complex the challenge increases. Toby is clearly too busy
picking up new words to worry too much about pronounciation.
Another cool word he said relatively
early was “penguin” (poo-gah), and for an interesting reason: he’s kind of
afraid of them. He has a little blue computer that says letters and animals for
each letter, but for P and X (penguin and ox) Toby prefers we push the button
for him. Sometimes he runs away while we do it. Y (yak) is also a little
sketchy. This has been going on for over a month. The only other thing we can
tell he is afraid of is Humpty Dumpty. But for each of these things, the fear
is united with fascination. He wants to look at pictures of Humpty Dumpty
falling, but then he gets upset and closes the book. And opens it again.
One exciting new development since the
last post is the banishment of the highchair tray – Toby sits at the table with
us for meals now. The tray is still in use on pancake days, so that the tot can
eat while he watches me cook. Most of the time he’d really rather just stand on
a regular chair while he wreaks his havoc on whatever he can find on the table.
Lately, that is often an art project. He’s started drawing enthusiastically
with crayons, and constantly asks to paint. I still have some hippy organic
edible paint from Christmas to make me feel better when he eats it. Just this
week he’s taken to using the paintbrush. I think what he likes about it is how
he can get the paint in his mouth without getting his hands dirty… but at least
now he only eats the crayons when he’s really
bored. Seriously, it’s super fun. He’s working on learning to do circles and
lines. Daddy helps him with letters, which the tot finds extra cool. Here’s his very first crayon drawing (guess which parts I did!).
Another thing that crayons are good
for, of course, is learning colors. Toby’s got the alphabet down, except for
confusing lower-case g and e. He’s fascinated by shapes and knows most of them
by name. He has started really enjoying counting too, always in order but skipping
numbers unpredictably, into the teens. Colors are a little trickier. He gets
that purple and blue are a thing (one, interchangeable thing), and sometimes
gets red or green, but it doesn’t seem that interesting to him.
In spite of being far busier than I
want to be at the moment, I had one great mom victory recently – making
playdough. I tried once before and ended up with something that was too stiff
and oily. Then a friend gave me a new recipe that includes cream of tartar and
actually cooking the dough, and it’s fantastic! Toby wants to play with it all
the time. He calls it “pahtoo” and usually says “eat” in the same breath. It’s
hard to tell if he means “eight” (we have several cookie cutters we use with
it, including an 8)… he does have a little playdough snarfing problem. I can’t
blame him, he’s got his Daddy’s salty tooth. And those little balls we roll to
squeeze through the garlic press fit so nicely in the mouth.
Recently Toby’s buddy Ben had his
second birthday. This year his parents went all-out with a farm-and-cowboy
themed party. They built their own toddler barn out of refrigerator boxes, made
personalized stick horses to go with cowboy hats as favors (Toby’s has alphabet
fabric), and found these crazy levitating cow balloons. The balloons and the
barn were big hits with the eight little boys in attendance. There was a lot of
running around screaming with joy.
I thought I would finish this post with
a day-in-the-life summary, since this blog is Toby’s baby book and those little
things are sweet to remember and easy to forget. Currently, our day starts at
5:30. I finally succeeded in night weaning, which was awesome. Toby and I were
both finally ready, so it only involved 3-4 nights of intermittent wailing, and only one was
truly sleepless. The downside is that Toby now gets up EARLY. We take turns
getting up with him. Then he likes to postpone the morning diaper change as
long as possible by dragging us around the house to play with things and pet
the kitty (if she’s awake by then). Often he’ll play with his toy cell phone or
yellow talking alphabet snail to make it through diapering and clothes.
Sometimes he ends up tearing around the house with no shirt on, because once
you’re upright, who’s going to wait for a shirt?
Breakfast is usually oatmeal and/or egg
with toast. If we don’t make real oatmeal, we always make pretend oatmeal. Toby
knows how it’s done. You need a pot, a couple of empty spice jars, a wooden
spoon, and an enormous jug of maple syrup. The ingredients are nutmeg, maple syrup
(hoo-pah aka map), and currants. In that order. It turns out you don’t actually
need oatmeal to make oatmeal. Breakfast, and all meals, involve sitting at the
table for ~5 minutes, sitting in one of our laps for ~10 minutes, and then
attempting to drag us away from our barely-eaten food to read a book. Even on
daycare days, we can usually squeeze in a few stories before it’s time to go. (The next two pictures are of Toby with his
daycare buddy, Lillian, during a weekend outing to the Kalamazoo Nature Center)
Toby goes to Tresha’s house three days
a week. We try to get out the door by 8:15, and pick him up at 4:30. There are
two other KBS kids there (Lillian and Jake), plus 2-3 others who come and go.
He generally is excited to go by the time Monday rolls around. He’s just
recently started talking about his “buddies,” and especially likes saying
Jake’s name (“gack”). They read books together, play with the amazing stash of
toys, have lunch, take a nap, snack, and play outside when the weather is good.
There is always at least one art project every week. We usually get a cute
update of Toby’s day. When we get home we have dinner, take a walk if it’s
nice, and get some extra play in before the bedtime routine starts.
Matt usually has Toby on Thursdays and
Fridays, and I have him on the weekend. We’ve been doing it fairly predictably this
way since he was maybe 4 months old. We have lunch, nap, and snacks on the same
schedule that Tresha keeps, and have a good time filling in the rest of the
day. Toby goes grocery shopping with at least one of us every week. Matt
usually takes him to our stupendous local library to pick out some books and
maybe catch Friday story & craft time. He often spends an hour or two
visiting one or both of our neighbor families with me – the Straubs have five
little girls, who are fun to play with, and the Gelfands have three older kids
and a tank of frogs. When we’re stuck in the house (as we have been often in
this long, cold, snowy winter), we have a wonderful time playing in the sink
(sometimes with bubbles), running around the basement, singing and playing at
the piano, and of course reading lots of books. He’s just starting to expand
his imaginary play from the realm of oatmeal to Cookie Monster. He has a little
baby CM doll, which he likes to bathe, tickle, ride around on a tiny wooden
horse, and put to bed. (The last one is my favorite: he says, “night-night!”
and then THROWS Cookie over the rail and into the crib). The following picture
is after playtime in the sink (which sometimes doubles as haircut time). I know
when his hair is longer the styles possibilities will improve.
The
bedtime routine is a treasured part of my day with Toby. Matt lets me run the
show most nights. It starts with winding down with a good book or twenty. My
current favorite is Sylvia Long’s Mother Goose. (Thanks to Grammie for supplying this classy volume.) Toby calls it
“Baa-baa,” because he has to start with “Baa-baa, black sheep.” That rhyme is
right in the middle, and we generally go on from there. We often finish it,
start from the beginning, and make it back to the middle. He loves
interspersing singing and reciting, and particularly enjoys hand gestures.
Then we begin the delicate initiation
ritual. I’ve learned to never say it’s time to get ready for bed, oh no! It’s
time to get ready for bath! Timing is
key. If we start 15 minutes late, wailing will prevail. But if we’re headed
toward nakedness by 7:15 the chances of a joyful bath are high. Just a few days
ago Toby discovered he loves standing under the shower, so now we fill the tub
with him in it. Because of the funny faces he makes, it took me a while to be
confident he’s really enjoying it. Now we have to compassionately help him to
understand that the shower can’t run constantly. Turning it off is very, very
sad. After the teeth are brushed and the necessary scrubbing is done, if the
sadness of turning off the shower fades (not guaranteed), another 5 – 15
minutes of joyful splashing ensues. Rubber duckies! Floaty boats! Measuring
cups! And then the amazing event of dumping the water out and watching it go down the drain, not to be missed. Matt was just saying we need to get him into swimming lessons, because he
can’t seem to get enough of the water. And I’m looking forward to some summer
sprinkler time.
Once we are able to extract him from
the bath, hasty diaper-and-pajama torture is followed by night-night nursing
and two books. His current favorites are Goodnight Moon and The Big
Red Barn, although he also loves Night-Night, Little Pookie and The
Going to Bed Book. I really love toddler books. So glad we have an
enthusiastic reader.
I have ambitions of briefer, more
frequent posts, but until the dissertation is defended, the more widely-spaced
T.S. Schultz novels may be the format. I leave you with evidence of the strength
of genetics: on a recent visit to Noni’s, he exhibited his
biparentally-inherited tendency to poke fire with a stick. It warms the heart
of pyro parents everywhere.
